Fly - Colorado Child Photographer

Location: Colorado Springs (private property),  Dress: Thrift Store find,  Flower Crown: thethistlesticks,  Hair and make up: Bullfrogs & Butterflies

I feel like a good portion of my life has been in a dark valley.  Of course, I have had good days and I have been blessed beyond measure.  However, there has always been this under-lying current in my life that I have minimized, denied, and ultimately ignored.  I worked so hard at keeping every thing in it's proper place.  I covered up and dismissed so many truths that were plainly there.  It was a part of me that was unseen by myself and by the individuals who I grew up around.  Funny thing about being a child - you adhere to the mindset that you grow up under.  It becomes normal and we function in dysfunction.

My eyes have now been opened.  Where I saw no hope, there is now hope.  Where I was dead, I am now slowly coming to life.  It is still a current that I have to push against.  I have to constantly remind myself that my tendency to overthink everything was something that I developed to protect myself from hurt.  But it also kept me from living life and trusting others.  I am breathing a little easier these days.  I am still very guarded.  I don't just have a wall around me, but razor wire and a watch tower filled with arsenal.  You probably wouldn't notice if you met me.  That is the camouflage that I work so hard to keep intact.

I hold my children close - maybe too close.  I overthink change and sometimes I cry when I think about how things will affect them.  I am far from perfect and I have flaws as many as stars in the sky, but my passion for protecting and loving my children is very much alive.

I want them to feel safe at all costs.  I want them to feel peace when they think of home.  I don't ever want them to feel blindsided by me.  So we talk a lot.  We will pause a movie, turn down the music, park the car, whatever it takes for me to get their genuine attention (not fear).  I will look into their little eyes, and I will make sure they are looking into mine.  I will explain the why.  I will hold their hand so they know I'm here.  And once they get it, I do not harp on it.  I encourage them to be polite.  I don't take credit for something they did.  I allow other adults to tell them thank you.  

I want so badly for them to feel special and safe and loved.  I want them to be confident and friendly.  I want them to take risks without fear.  I want them to be excited about life.  I want them to think things through.  I want them to find joy in unusual places.  I want them to explore.  I want them to appreciate life.  I want them to have faith.  I want them to fly.