Fly - Colorado Child Photographer
Location: Colorado Springs (private property), Dress: Thrift Store find, Flower Crown: thethistlesticks, Hair and make up: Bullfrogs & Butterflies
I feel like a good portion of my life has been in a dark valley. Of course, I have had good days and I have been blessed beyond measure. However, there has always been this under-lying current in my life that I have minimized, denied, and ultimately ignored. I worked so hard at keeping every thing in it's proper place. I covered up and dismissed so many truths that were plainly there. It was a part of me that was unseen by myself and by the individuals who I grew up around. Funny thing about being a child - you adhere to the mindset that you grow up under. It becomes normal and we function in dysfunction.
My eyes have now been opened. Where I saw no hope, there is now hope. Where I was dead, I am now slowly coming to life. It is still a current that I have to push against. I have to constantly remind myself that my tendency to overthink everything was something that I developed to protect myself from hurt. But it also kept me from living life and trusting others. I am breathing a little easier these days. I am still very guarded. I don't just have a wall around me, but razor wire and a watch tower filled with arsenal. You probably wouldn't notice if you met me. That is the camouflage that I work so hard to keep intact.
I hold my children close - maybe too close. I overthink change and sometimes I cry when I think about how things will affect them. I am far from perfect and I have flaws as many as stars in the sky, but my passion for protecting and loving my children is very much alive.
I want them to feel safe at all costs. I want them to feel peace when they think of home. I don't ever want them to feel blindsided by me. So we talk a lot. We will pause a movie, turn down the music, park the car, whatever it takes for me to get their genuine attention (not fear). I will look into their little eyes, and I will make sure they are looking into mine. I will explain the why. I will hold their hand so they know I'm here. And once they get it, I do not harp on it. I encourage them to be polite. I don't take credit for something they did. I allow other adults to tell them thank you.
I want so badly for them to feel special and safe and loved. I want them to be confident and friendly. I want them to take risks without fear. I want them to be excited about life. I want them to think things through. I want them to find joy in unusual places. I want them to explore. I want them to appreciate life. I want them to have faith. I want them to fly.